Reason You Need Low Maintenance Friendship

Friendship is a kind of relationship that affects you a person as it will become a valuable part of your being. But, some kind of friendships is better than others like those low maintenance that will not drain you with so much drama.

A low maintenance friendship does not mean settling down in a crappy relationship. Instead, this kind of relationship allows you to grow as an individual because the quality of the relationship comes out easily. They are the friends who do not demand constant communication nor hanging out. But, you know that they will always be there for you.

I am friends with four amazing ladies for ten years now, and we are nothing but low maintenance. And, these are the things I have learned from a decade of valuable friendship.

1 No drama

You are so busy with important things in your life that you don’t waste your time together with unwanted and unneeded drama. You would rather spend the limited days together having the fun you deserve to enjoy these rare moments.

With this kind of friendship, you have a wide understanding of each other that you are willing to forego whatever small misunderstanding you have. There is nothing much to fight about because your friendship is grounded on the simple foundation of realness

2 Fun in doing the simplest things

While watching the infamous TV series Gossip Girl, I realized why my low-maintenance friendships last. We don’t need the scheming, backstabbing and complicated action to have fun. We are perfectly fine with hanging out and talking over takeouts at home. All we need to be happy is the presence of each other, nothing fancy whatsoever.

3 They are real

They are as real as they come. There is no need to be someone you are not because your friends don’t really care about what others say about them. They always believe in the principle “what you see is what you get.” But, of course, there are many things exciting about you and your friends, you just chose to be real and upfront about it. The thing is, they don’t have to act or do something uncomfortable because they are fine with who they are.

4 They only have genuine support for you

You could not find envy and pretentiousness in a low maintenance friendship. As real as they are, they will be genuinely happy for your success and will support your dreams. You may not have the same dreams, but you definitely dream of the same magnitude. So you are never afraid because despite not talking every day, you know that they will always be there for you and vice versa.

5 Friendship and love come seamlessly

You generously give each other love and friendship that each one needs. The love you share is true and does unconditionally. A frenemy has never been in your vocabulary because really why invest in hate when it can be so exhausting.

I know that you have friends in mind while reading. So, cherish and value these kinds of friendship because they are rare jewels in the world full of hate and fakeness.

Tips to Choose Friends Wisely

We all need friends that we can talk to, someone who we can vent our hardships in life. Or we just might want a friend who we can have fun with. Finding the right friend who can meet your expectations can be challenging. You want a friend who you share the same values a friend who can encourage you, congratulate you after accomplishing something, respects you and also a friend who does not take advantage of you.

By choosing the right friends you will avoid disappointments, stress or even depression.

You should look for a friend who has your best interest in their hearts. There can be such people who look like they care about your life but in reality they are just interested in getting something from you for their own selfish gain and they will do anything without caring about you, even if you are friendly to them.

Before you know how to choose your friends you need to “study everyone” know their weakness and strength, try to understand them. This will give you an understanding in choosing your friends and also becoming a leader.

The Following Are Steps That I use to help me select the Right Friends.

1. Choose a Friend with the Same Values as You.

Everyone has their own values and it is a must for a person who is your friend not to go against these values.

Let’s say you are very respectful about your possessions and you would hate someone who would treat your possessions with no respect. Then you should look for a friend who has your best interest in their hearts and not a friend who is willing to please people without caring about your boundaries. This is a person who can easily betray you especially if it is a person trying to be cool so that he or she can fit in another social group.

2. Choose a Friend who encourages you.

A Friend that encourages you is almost the best friend. This is a person who is interested in your life, your goals and what you want to accomplish without manipulating you for their own selfish gain. A friend who encourages you will not put you in a spot where you are envious. A person who makes you envious and is pretending to be your friend does not really care about you.

Such a person will almost all the time talk about their biggest accomplishments or their next big projects that will make them successful. Avoid these people because their actions will make you envious which will lead to stress and later depression, they can easily destroy your life and will not even care what happened to you.

3. Choose a Friend that share similar interest.

These are the fun friends and are the best friends to be around with when you are feeling down. You could share interests like music, sports, arts or adventure.

4. Choose a friend that can celebrate your Success.

A friend that can celebrate your success is very rare to find. If you find one make sure you keep them close. This is a true friend because such a person is interested about you, he/she will push you to accomplish your goals and celebrate every milestone.

5. Avoid people who are manipulative.

People who are manipulative are clever. They can easily trick you into becoming their friends. This is how such people trick you into becoming their friends;

  • They will tell you some truth about their life so that they can create trust with you (you will in turn think that this is a person who sees you as a good friend and you will not want to disappoint them.)
  • They will start to help you when you need assistance even when you have not asked for it.
  • They will then notice your interests and will come up with something that will make you envious.
  • They will ask about your goals and accomplishments in life for their own selfish gain and they will not encourage you to attain them.

If you suspect that someone is manipulating you for their own selfish gain make sure you terminate the friendship.

6. Avoid people who love to gossip.

Gossiping is childish; you should look for a friend who likes to mind their own business. Do not be quick in choosing your friends. People who love to gossip and are your friends can easily destroy your reputation, even if it means to save their own skin.

If you have a friend and you are suspecting he/she is gossiping you make sure you carefully confront them, because if you don’t do it this will make your friendship awkward and you will eventually become enemies.

7. Choose a friend with common goals.

If you have a goal in life to own a certain business and you come across a person with the same dream, you should make sure that you become friends. When selecting such friends (this is not the case with all situations as it depends on the people working together) make sure that you do not have the same skills as this can lead to competition and instead of working together you will be rivals.

8. Choose friends who always want to gain more knowledge.

Knowledge is the key in life, having friends who can help you learn something new from them is great. They can give you information that will help you in your life.

Ways To Forgive

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. ~Maya Angelou

Forgiveness IS one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, but how do we genuinely get there?

Many people believe that if they just decide to forgive someone, they have actually forgiven them, only to discover anger or resentment emerging over and over. So how to forgive?

Alyce wrote me the following question:

“Dr. Paul, How do I sincerely forgive my soon-to-be ex-husband of 32 years for infidelity committed prior to him even asking me for a divorce? I feel angry, hurt and jealous that he would give another woman the affection that he denied me. I know I must forgive him in order for me to heal and move on, but how to forgive?”

The first thing that Alyce needs to accept is that forgiveness is a natural process that occurs as we do our own deep inner work. Alyce needs to let go of reaching forgiveness for now, and instead focus on learning about her end of the relationship system. She needs to have the courage to look within at what she did in the relationship that contributed to the problems that resulted in divorce.

Alyce can ask herself questions such as:

  • Was I true to myself in this relationship, or did I give myself up to try to please him?
  • How did I try to control in this relationship? Was I angry, compliant, withdrawn, resistant or blaming?
  • In what ways did I abandon myself? Did I judge myself, ignore my feelings, turn to addictions to avoid responsibility for my feelings, or did I make my husband responsible for my self-worth, safety and happiness?

Answering these questions honestly won’t be easy, and Alyce might need the help of a therapist or facilitator to have the courage to get very honest with herself.Once she has a clear understanding of her end of their dysfunctional relationship system, then Alyce needs to practice doing inner work to learn to love herself. She needs to learn to give herself whatever it was that she was trying to get from her husband. Part of loving herself is forgiving herself for her own unloving behavior toward herself and her husband while in the relationship.

Alyce needs to accept that she and her husband came together at their common level of woundedness – their common level of self-abandonment. Each of them brought their unhealed wounds into the relationship, and they each played out their wounds with each other.

As Alyce learns to love and forgive herself, rather than judge herself and abandon herself in other ways, she will gradually and naturally feel forgiveness toward her husband. She cannot force or push reaching forgiveness. She needs to accept that this is a gradual process of self-healing.

The more Alyce does her own inner work, the more happy and peaceful she will feel within. Her anger, hurt and jealousy will gradually heal as she learns to give herself the love she was seeking externally. As she learns to see their relationship system clearly, she will accept that they both did the best they could, given their backgrounds and resulting woundedness.

At this point in her inner healing, Alyce will feel compassion for both herself and her ex-husband.

Step Relationships Can Be Easy

Creating a loving relationship doesn’t have to be as hard as you might think!

As most of us know, relationships can be very challenging. We generally enter a relationship with many unhealed wounds from childhood. These wounds easily get triggered in committed relationships. Our wounds include both our fear of rejection and our fear of engulfment, and when these fears are activated, we generally go into old programmed ways of reacting, such as anger, blame, compliance, withdrawal, resistance, defensiveness, explaining, threatening and so on. You might have been programmed with many ways of making your partner responsible for your painful feelings.

Love gets eroded when we continue to act from our fears and the resulting protections.

But it doesn’t always have to be hard! Below are the essential keys to creating and maintaining a loving relationship.

Relationships thrive when both partners feel safe to be themselves and to discuss problems as they arise. Partners feel safe when they know they can rely on each other to be open and caring, even in the face of conflict.

There are four choices you can make to create this safe, open connected relationship space:

1. Cultivate an Intent To Learn With Yourself And Your Partner

We need to be able to rely on ourselves and each other to stay open to learning about our wounds and our resulting controlling protective behavior. There is nothing that grinds love down more than controlling behaviors, such as those mentioned above, or behavior that is intent on avoiding your feelings – such as ignoring your feelings, judging yourself and your partner, or turning to addictions to numb your feelings.

If you are currently not in a relationship, then take this time to learn to stay open with your own feelings and learn what they are telling you, rather than continue to abandon yourself when you feel pain. Learning to stay open with yourself makes it much easier to stay open with your partner.

If you are currently in a relationship, do the same thing. Take time to learn to be present with your own feelings, with an intent to learn.

2. Practice Focusing On Kindness With Yourself And Your Partner

Just as an openness to learning is essential in creating a safe relationship space, so is kindness. If you were not brought up with kindness and you have been judgmental with yourself and others, rather than kind, then you need to keep the concept of kindness in the forefront of your mind.

Relationships flourish when loving yourself and your partner is your highest priority. For most people, protecting against pain has been their highest priority, so it takes much practice to successfully make love a higher priority than avoiding pain.

3. Develop Your Spiritual Connection

Relationships flounder when you make your partner your source of love. Your partner isn’t supposed to be your higher power – you have your own higher power and this is your infinite source of love. When your intent is to learn about loving yourself and your partner, and you open to learning about this with a source of spiritual guidance, you will learn to fill yourself with love to share with your partner. Trying to have control over getting love ruins relationships. Sharing love creates intimacy and connection with your partner.

4. Make Relationship Time A High Priority

One of the greatest experiences in life is the sharing of love, and this takes time. Learning, growth, intimacy, connection and passion are the natural results of creating a safe, open, kind and loving relationship space, and all this takes times. Spending connected time together relaxing, laughing, sharing and cuddling are essential for creating a long-lasting, thriving loving relationship.

Is all this easy? It can be when love is your highest priority. When you fully accept that your reason for being on the planet is to evolve your soul in your ability to love, it becomes easier and easier to behave in these four loving ways.